PROGRAMMING
MarsCon received this behind-the-scenes report from the premeire of Xenaversity's Bitter Suite. You can see their next performance Saturday, May 13 at 4 p.m. on the MarsCon Main Stage.
Thanks to the
Xenaversity of Minnesota
for providing stills from their recent Hamline University
filming.
BITTER SUITE
We have just completed our first public show of Bitter Suite ! I am Patti and have the special honor of playing Gabrielle in the show. I thought it might be fun if I relate some behind the scenes stories as I have experienced them.. *smirk*Where to begin.. How about a Day in the Life.. (Ha! Pun was intended)
Up at dawn on the first day of our first public show. Spend two hours braiding hair into tiny braids to create Renee' O'Connor's "drah-mah-tic" look. Heavy Dep. Next, Stuff five costumes into a garment bag replete with kleenex, safety pins, body spray and gum enough for the whole cast.
Wrestle half live and half dead bush into car with the Gabby staff and death sycthe with the makeup kit. Get FAST food. Make sure Candlelabra candles don't melt onto passenger car seat.. (They did once before)
Get to show site. Fold programs until your growling stomach protests. Fuss with village set and fountain to make sure enough flowers are "sprouting."
Spring into a looks-like-nude suit and cover with Gabby drag white toga. Start run through tech rehearsal. Get reminded yet once again that things will NEVER run smoothly. A hanger follows your magically delivered gown via a Singing Joxer. "!!!!"
Circle back to back with Xena with your eyes closed while getting ready to fight while juggling a blood capsule on your tongue into "gush" position while eight blood thirsty natives scream for your death match.
Survive the dress rehearsal. Get ready for the real thing, honey.. One short prayer with glinting sword aloft in the white toga wearing a red jewel encrusted crown with everyone in the green room and suddenly, you're set to prepare final makeup on yourself.. while.. trying to hog the only fan at every available moment.
Sing How Do you Solve a Problem Like Maria with Xena in a duet to warm up vocally.
It's time... the big moment.. You've heard the Amazon tell your tale of woe. You've heard the THEME.. You've got the "anger" set in mode. Then you shout, "I hate you!" and ring your hands around Xena's neck.. She tosses you through the Illusian waterfall and you drag her with you. Then...it happens... Sixty five people see the waterfall topple over onto a row of trees.. with a clatter of metal frames.. Now, blush in full view of the Blunder Gods... They just had you on a platter, baby..
Then, on your way to rush over to your cue entrance from the other side, fighting your mortification the whole time, your fig leaves and butt bush fall off in short order and Callisto is singing, "The fates have a fix on you,.. we can play tricks on you,...."
INDEED!! Then, trip over the river operator on your way over to "drown" in the river and spend six minutes playing dead while trying not to laugh. A sharp jolt of the eye bag pole jars you in focus. Pop up and start prancing away from a seranading Joxer in your leafless birthday suit..
Soon after, its the village scene. You get to die here. (By stage sword. Not from vivid exposure to blunder hell.) Get immense satisfaction by grossing out the third row forward with your gory demise..
You begin to relax and get into the swing of things thespian. The black robes just got done scaring the snot out of you and your ears are still ringing from the "sin's echoes" and it happens, you FORGET a line.. Sly Xena saves your sacrificial rear and you sing a heart wrenching dirge and actually choke up for real. And then you do it again, in chains, stretched on the altar. But it's o.k., you have an adorable Solan waiting for you on the other side of the waterfall.
Poof! The dream is over. It's curtain call. Everyone is done and then,.. a rose come from a perfect stranger, and then a bouquet from the director and a very familiar cohort. And then, a trophy award in heavy gold metal.. wow..
Where in the he#* did they come from?!
The rose giver then asks for your very first given autograph on your very first color newspaper picture.. I guess Blunder gods can be forgiving after all...
Thanks everyone for a heartwarming first run Xena show.. We'll kick a*& at Marscon!!!
Patti (Bitter Suite Gabrielle) ;)
